Love Love Loooove! Happy Valentines Day! Our number one love in life is music! But not all love songs get our hearts beating… There’s been some fairly terrible love songs written over the years, so here’s the ones that we think you shouldn’t be serenading your loved ones with today.
1. Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On
The minute you hear that opening flute melody, you know it’s a karaoke performance you’d rather not witness. The song was obviously huge when Titanic came out, but it’s been played to death so much that it makes our hearts and souls die every time we hear it. Leave it under water lads.
2. Bryan Adams – Everything I Do
‘Look into my eyes, You will see, What you mean to me. Search your heart, Search your soul.’ This track spent 16 straight weeks at Number One in Britain which was an all-time U.K chart record. We’re searching our soul for a reason you’d want to play this today.
3. James Blunt – You’re Beautiful
It rose him to ‘stardom’. It was a massive hit. Although these days, it’s a bit of a piss-take on all accounts. Blunt hasn’t had a hit as big since and we’re kind of thankful for that. ‘She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that. ‘Cause I’ve got a plan.’ Creepy. Keep your menacing plans to yourself James.
4. One Direction – Little Things
It’s with a pain in our hands that we type ‘One Direction’. But this ‘love’ song is wrong on so many levels. Never mind the fact that it was probably written so that the band could market themselves to young impressionable girls, but even the video makes us want to get sick. ‘You never love yourself half as much as I love you. You’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you. Maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you oh’ Yes, because the answer to self-love is Niall Horan. Obviously.
5. Whitesnake – Is This Love
It’s definitely NOT love that we’re feeling for this one. The video is also creepy AF. ‘Is This Love or am I dreaming?’ You’re dreaming mate, but it’s a nightmare for us.
6. Meatloaf – I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)
We’d do anything for love, but we won’t play this. It’s hard to focus on the painful vocals of this song, while wondering what the hell ‘that’ refers to. Take a bullet? Wash the dog? Bring the bins out? The possibilities are endless..
7. The Smiths – Girlfriend In A Coma
‘There were times when I could have strangled her, But you know, I would hate, Anything to happen to her’. Wow, well romance isn’t dead. Do not put this on your Valentines day playlist.
8. Guns N’ Roses – I Used To Love Her
‘I used to love her, but I had to kill her I used to love her, but I had to kill her. She bitched so much, She drove me nuts, And now I´m happier this way.’ This one gives us a good laugh. Purely because we can’t believe G N’ R sat in the studio listening to this and thought ‘let’s release this one, it’ll be a hit’. There’s nothing romantic about murder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXIuAz7aryo
9. Savage Garden – Truly Madly Deeply
Cheese, cheese cheese. ‘I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.’ Will the sky please fall down on this song and flatten it forever?
